Lovino and Antonio Quest to Ikea
by Roxi2Star
Summary: Just a feel good story with Swedish furniture, a sweet moment somewhere in there and some really bad puns at the end


Antonio stared at the broken table before him, Lovino at his side, glaring at the shattered wood. Both gave a sigh.

"We broke the table. By having sex on it." Antonio said stating the obvious. Lovino glared at him.

"Well no shit. I mean, we certainly didn't break it by eating on it."

"Your grandpa's coming tonight. Where are we going to get a table before then? We're not rich, plus, it's 11 on a sunday." Antonio said. "And even if we could find one, we really don't have the money to throw around and we need one to serve him dinner on..."

"Ikea." Lovino said softly.

"What?"

"Get your wallet we're going to Ikea." Lovino said going to get his shoes. "It's only a few miles away, it's open and cheap. Move."

So the two get in the car and drive to Ikea. For those who have no idea what Ikea is, it's a unique store. They have all sorts of furniture items, that you buy and take home that day instead of having it delivered. There's kind of a method to it though.

* * *

First, you arrive and are in aw.

The giant sliding doors opened into a large foyer. Lovino and Antonio gape, looking up at the high ceiling and the large escalator. They walk together looking up, unsure of what may lie ahead, but are sure it's amazing.

Next, you walk through the showroom, and find what you need.

They walk hand in hand (mostly because Lovino's so in awe of it all) through all the sections. The sides are set up like little rooms using the furniture in the store, each room a different theme. In the middle of the space are all the items not used in the rooms, and showing all their different colors

"Ohh! Lovi look at that couch!" Antonio says dragging him to a bright red couch, sitting down, pulling Lovino next to him. "So soft~"

"It's 'iight." Lovino says softly, looking around the room. It had cream walls, brown floors and all sorts of brightly colored furniture. "This room is a little obnoxious though. But the Couch might be worth coming back for..." after a moment the two get back up and continue their way along. Soon they find themselves in the bedroom department and of course Antonio is keen on trying out all the beds.

"Oof!" Lovino cried as Antonio tackled him to a very soft mattress. "Get off you lump!"

"Aw Lovi~ It's so comfy though!" but he did get off, sitting next to him. "It's bigger then our bed..." Antonio said softly. "Though I kinda wish we only needed one..."

"Gramps.. he just doesn't get this stuff. Feli hasn't told him about Lud- Potato." Lovino said turning away. "He's an old Italian guy, like fresh off the boat... and that just wasn't cool there in his time.."

"It's barely cool here. Gay marriage was just made legal this week, and I thought maybe we should tell him that we're together and then maybe even..." Antonio shook his head. Not the right time. Lovino didn't say a word, but he took Antonio's hand and gave it a squeeze. A rare public display, before Lovino got up.

"Tch... Let's just find a goddamn table."

* * *

Try not to get lost... Ikea's a big place

"Didn't we pass that kitchen display three times?" Lovino asked

"I think so... Where are these pesky tables... Oh look! A salesman, lets ask him!" Lovino bit his lip looking at the man who Antonio pointed to... He was rather tall, and when he turned to look at them, Lovino whimpered. He was terrifying. "Hello!.. Berwald." Antonio said reading the name tag. "Can you help us? We're looking for a dining table." Antonio didn't waver under the man's intense stare.

"Ya. Tables are over there." He said, his Swedish accent so thick it was lost on the both of them (Both 100% American, though they both lie saying that they were born out of the country and are bilingual. But we'll touch on that later.)

"Excuse me?" Antonio asked. The man sighed, and pointed to a rather large sign that said 'tables' "How the hell did we miss that? Thanks!" And the two ran over to pick one settled on a lovely black wood table. "I love it~ It's so pretty!"

Lovino nodded, and wrote down the make and number, before the two headed downstairs.

Once you find what you want, you go down to the supply room and grab one.

They grabbed a large cart and moved along finding the table they needed. It came in two flat (heavy!) boxes with they (Antonio) moved onto the cart. They checked out, and went home.

* * *

When you go home, just assemble!

They sat in a mess of wood, odd shaped screws and directions. Antonio combed it over, desperately searching for the English.

"What the fuck is that? Is that Latvian? Who speaks Latvian?" Antonio cried. "Where is the English?"

Lovino was searching the box, having no idea where the missing screw was... they checked and you need 4 swirly screw things. THEY ONLY HAD THREE.

"Hey! I found the Italian! You speak Italian, that's how you got me to sleep with you on our first date. You read." Antonio said handing him the paper.

"Fuck fuck! Where is this fucking screw, and dammit I lied I don't speak Italian!" Lovino cried.

"Wait? What? You don't? Then...?"

"I said Ciao, and you blew me in the restroom. I didn't have to say anything else. And I see Spanish right there! You're Spanish! I heard you parents speaking it to each other."

"Lovi, I don't speak Spanish. I took it in high school, the only thing I can is 'Donde esta la Biblioteca?' And you know what, we've lived here for 4 years and I still don't have a damn clue where the fucking Biblioteca is."

"Its on Ridge Avenue you dumbass." Lovino said throwing the directions at the other.

* * *

Eventually, they got the table together (4 Swirly screw thing be damned! It holds up on it's own fine!) and Lovino's Grandfather came, just in time for dinner. (Pasta of course.)

Antonio and Romulus sat at the table chatting as Lovino carried in the bowel

"Hope you're fucking starved because this shit, is well.. The shit!" Lovino placed the bowel on the table... After which it all came crashing down.

"Ah fucking hell."

"I told you that screw would be important." Antonio said sighing.

"The hell just happened?" Romulus asked.

"We got a new table today and put it together wrong."

"What was wrong with the old one?" Romulus asked. "You didn't need to get a new one."

"The old one broke. We fucked on it." Lovino said, then blushed and tried to backtrack "I mean... We fucked... .girls. On the table. Together. But not in a gay way, like a strictly heterosexual bro fucking girls... I gave him a brojob..."

"What." Antonio asked. "Brojob, really? Did we also have branal sex? No homo Lovino. I mean Brovino."

"Are you two... Homosexuals?" Romulus asked raising an eyebrow.

"No shit gramps."

"Don't you mean, Bromosexuals."

"Oh. Ok. Well I'm gonna order out."

"You're ok with this?" Lovino asked blinking.

"Well yeah. Even I've taken it up the ass a few times. Given my fair share of... Brojobs."

"Yaaaas Romulus." Antonio said

"Shut the fuck, Gramps just order the pizza..."

**IDK guys. Hi. This fic is just all over the place. Just silly fun. So yeah, gay marriage is legal in PA today. Yay~ so I thought I'd upload as celebration. **


End file.
